With this post, I am honoring Aldo, Fortuna chocolate maker, partner of 12 years and the super engaged father of our fire rooster child. I am honored to be living alongside you as we stretch and grow into the universe as guides, te amo. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

We traveled for a month with our 4 year old, moving in a loop from the Colorado mountains to the California coast, and back. Adventuring together and supporting each other to find our edges as a team. It was a powerful experience to spend time together in these landscapes and we acknowledge and honor the native peoples of these stolen lands.

Playfulness when we speak of fatherhood let's remember to include this super power at the top of the list. A presence in our body brings us into a presence in our lives and play is a great way to enjoy being in our bodies together. Aldo did a lot of play with our little fire rooster in the high desert, climbing and exploring the winter landscape together. It was the first place we stopped on our month long journey to the California coast and it was the first time either of them had spent time in this ancient land, they found a connection to it through playing together.⠀

Food and rest. In his role as father, Aldo is so great at reminding our little fire rooster when it is time to rest and replenish their body. In a world hyper focused on performance and measurements, teaching rest is necessary for our well being. Learning that pleasure can be found in a quiet meal outside with your family is a simple yet radical act of nourishment. We traveled with a cooler and a few bags & boxes of pantry goods, preparing our own food as we journeyed to the coast. The day we reached the ocean, Aldo recognized how tired we all were so we swooped up some take out and headed to the beach for a picnic to recharge while we watched the waves.⠀

Body awareness is not limited to shapes or sizes. As a father Aldo helps our little fire rooster to listen and care for their internal rhythms and to connect to their breath. A sense of power can spring forth from gentle foundations like listening and breathing. This was the longest hike we had taken together as a family and 4 miles was a lot even for our little power being. When a nasty cramp showed up, Aldo spent time teaching about stopping and reconnecting to what the body was communicating, it was time to slow the pace and to deepen our breath.⠀⠀⠀

Recognizing value is something that Aldo is so good at and as a father is teaching our little fire rooster when it is worth it to push ahead. Meeting uncertainty with confidence in your ability to solve problems and to find a path forward is one of the treasures Aldo models as a parent. We woke to a morning that was rainy and cold so we decided to have an 'inside' day in our glamping tent. Defiantly still in our PJs we cruised down the mountain to pick up supplies and drove past this beautiful stretch of coastline. We stopped. It was so beautiful in the rain but we hadn't brought any gear with us. Aldo encouraged us to go explore anyway and donated his beanie and carried those of us who only had slippers up the trail to this sacred overlook.

Calm. There are difficult days as parents. Expectations and effort load pressure onto family experiences. Especially during a global pandemic, navigating public places has layered stress onto everyone's lives. On this day, Aldo made huge effort as a father to remain calm for the benefit of our little fire rooster and for us, as we are people too. This was a hard day. We had attempted three days previous to reach the ancient grove of giant sequoia trees and were met with huge waves of people and traffic. On the third day, our last day, we woke before dawn and ate breakfast in the car. Pulling into one of the last parking places available and looking forward to spending time in the forest, we were greeted instead by swarms of noisy, absent minded people. It was not how we were hoping to be with these sacred trees and our disappointment was manifesting in our family interactions. Aldo gave me a hug, whispered messages of calming and we followed little footsteps away from the crowds and to this incredible tree.

We are a family of anti-patriarchs and in the spirit of Father's Day we are sharing a few of our favorite meditations from a *post "Relinquishing the Patriarchy" Adrienne Marie Brown ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

+ Recognize that as a man, you are a part of patriarchy. even if you have made some effort to break out of it, the system/insanity of patriarchy is still there for you to fall back into under pressure or duress.⠀

+ In practice, release any belief that your mind will liberate you from patriarchy. the change required now is not something you can learn or do with your mind alone. it is something you must practice with your body, emotions, soul. only consistent practice will rewire your mind and liberate your life.⠀⠀

+ make a list of things you believe you are owed by the world. if there’s anything you think you are owed that others are not, get curious about that. begin to release that way of thinking. you deserve dignity, belonging and safety. you also deserve love, community, respect. you deserve pleasure and joy. not at the expense of half the world, but alongside us.⠀⠀⠀

+ Don’t get into language supremacy, or read-the-most-feminists supremacy. don’t think that you are better than other men because you know the language of patriarchy, feminism and other isms. it’s the overcharged competitive nature, the desire to be better than, the inappropriate topping itself that is toxic.

+ Practice taking action together. go to marches to protect women’s rights, volunteer to hold the line at abortion clinics, intervene on observed acts of misogyny and patriarchy in private and public!

+ Practice sitting in groups with other men (a group of two is a fine and valiant beginning) and speaking of feelings. do not offer solutions or try to cheer each other up. invite the feelings as they are – sadness, heartbreak, abandonment, fear, trauma from the process of masculinization. be there for each other. build friendships of radical honesty.⠀

*this is mostly a note to straight, cis men; but also includes trans men, queer men, and all who participate in masculinity – if you see yourself in these words, this is a love note to you.